Before you met me, I was a mess and things were pretty heavy around me. But now, together, we are a beautiful wreck as our lives have been permanently intertwined, whether we like it or not. There's always a sort of push and pull between you and me. Most of the time, it consisted of me pushing you away and you pulling me back from the depths of my fear and anxiety. For my part this is what makes you perfect for me. But we weren't perfect together, we were anything but. There's always something that happens to me, even when it doesn't. I was always wrapped in some kind of lie, a protective layer of myself that I didn't let people see. I never wanted them to see how broken and messed up I truly was. So I just let them see. Love is a strange thing, and as embarrassing and uncomfortable as it is to admit it, I love you. I know my life will never be the same after you. No matter what mood I'm in, I can always tell when you're in the room. It's like the air changes or the background music playing in my mind changes or something weird like that. You make me want to do weird things, like tell you all the crazy things that were going through my head. But at the same time you make me forget. When we were together, it was like there was nothing wrong in the world. I felt I had the strength to face all the problems I had. The days when we didn't fight, that is. We were never something that made sense. Either we argued or we loved each other. However, we were never together, even if we weren't. A big part of our relationship was us going back and forth. Our on and off relationship is not something most people dream of. In fact, most people fear it. Maybe because of its reckless nature, or the fact that there is something waiting to explode in our faces every day threatening to leave me or vice versa. But I know that I love you and all the uncertainty you bring into my life. At this point, I wouldn't care if you left me and stopped talking to me for a month, as long as I knew you'd come back. At the same time, I feel it's best for you to stay. He was fine. It was as if nothing had ever happened between us. You already had a replacement. I felt immense pain. Luckily I'm used to the pain. More or less, I'd say I'm numb to it. You never know how lucky you are to spend your life with your soulmate until you can't mess around without you anymore. I miss everything about that boy with the kind eyes. I even missed the way he used to throw me out of bed at night. I'm already back to how I was before I met you. I have taken many steps back in my progress. Not a day goes by without me thinking about what would be the best way to end myself. Walking alone is a struggle, because I always have the strong urge to throw myself in front of a car in hopes that it will kill me or at least give me amnesia so I can forget all these memories that constantly haunt me. Most of the time I wonder what would happen if I let these four walls crush me, because inside these four walls all I see is you and me. I know that if I heard your sweet voice again, I would be fine and back to normal. Even if you were the one telling me that you've had enough of our love, I'd be fine with it